Email

I get plenty of unsolicited email every day at work, and have no trouble ignoring it. The one I am about to quote becomes more entertaining each time I receive it. The sending address and the signature vary, but the remainder is verbatim, down to the missing pronouns and misplaced apostrophe. When I got the third one, I saved them to a system where I could run diff , and sure enough only the signatures varied. Today I received it again, for the fifth time in a month:

Dear owner of whatsit.tld,

I’m sure you have been contacted in this matter many times before but our value proposition is much different. We show the client results before we ask for any further commitment.

As a business owner you might be interested to gain profit by placing your website among top in search engines.

Your website needs immediate improvement for some major issues with your website.
-Low online presence for many competitive keyword phrases
-Unorganized social media accounts
-Not compatible with all mobile devices
-Many bad back links to your website

I have selected your website whatzit.tld and prepared a FREE website audit report. This is for you, completely free at no charge.

If my proposal sound's interesting for your business goal, feel free to email me, or can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you. I am also available for an online meeting to present you this website audit report.

I look forward to hearing from you - thanks!


Best Regards,
Randolph Scott
Marketing Consultant

PS: I am not spamming. I have studied your website, prepared an audit report and believe I can help with your business promotion. If you still want us to not contact you, you can ignore this email or ask to remove and I will not contact again.

The signature has never been "Randolph Scott", but this time it was the name of an actor.  Only rarely do I have anything to do with our organization's public website, but maybe one of these days I will weaken and reply, if only to see what "Low online presence for competitive keyword phrases" means.